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    April 15

    混乱的一天

    今天回学校交表格去了,走进校门的一霎那,我终于明白自己错了。我以为我不会留恋学校的风景,不会留恋学校的安静,不会留恋学校的一草一木,不会留恋校园里那些认识的不认识的同学的一颦一笑……其实,我没有那么洒脱,从来都没有。

    打电话给陈娟,这个小没良心的就憋足了劲不接我电话,罢了罢了,姐姐原谅你忽视我,仅仅限于今天……回家的路上遇到了久违了的阿汤小朋友。因为一时不知道和他说什么,就催促他早点回家。

    眼看已经4月中了,工作还在不知名的地方游荡。我曾经天真地以为自己不会找不到喜欢的工作,但是在一番寻寻觅觅之后才发现自己找不到的是自己喜欢的这种感觉。

    公关公司来电话让我去签约了,我满怀信心地走到楼下,却怎么也迈不开原本兴冲冲的脚步。迟疑,不知道自己能不能签下人生第一份真正的“卖身契”。怀疑,怀疑我之所以投了这份简历只是因为自己毫不掩饰的好奇。会不会,我只是为了满足自己的好奇才一时冲动投了这个工作?会不会,三天之后,我就兴致阑珊地想要逃离?……脑袋里一片混乱,于是匆匆找了个借口离开,从26楼下来,走到太阳底下的时候彻底地发现自己晕眩了……

    爸爸问我,你后不后悔?在还有选择的时候选择了一条最最愚蠢最最曲折艰难的路。他说我知道你想证明自己,但是现实摆在眼前,你为什么就不能像个听话的孩子一样屈服一次理智而不是情感呢?

    早上我爬起来看了一部完整的《断背山》,看完之后郁闷的说不出话来,想要表达的东西太多,所以反而什么都不想说了。

    从今天起,我要坚持每天把日子的光影记录下来。

    Comments (4)

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    Jeffi Wuwrote:
    我明白了,支持你小若。
    May 7
    林 杨wrote:
    那到底是签了还是没啊?
    May 6
    呵呵,现在我只能确定不管任何一种方式,我一定会读研究生。
    Apr. 17
    Effie leewrote:
    听说你明年还想考。。。?
    Apr. 16

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